Let's Talk About It With OhioGuidestone
There are things we all think, but don’t always say out loud. In Let’s Talk About It, the experts at OhioGuidestone unpack the real conversations happening at every stage of life. From early childhood to adulthood, we explore what behavior is really telling us, and when it might be time to reach out for support.
Let's Talk About It With OhioGuidestone
Pressure, Uncertainty, and Finding Your Place
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Young adulthood is often seen as a time of independence, new opportunities, and exciting milestones. But behind the highlight reel, many young adults are navigating stress, anxiety, loneliness, and uncertainty while feeling pressure to have everything figured out.
In Season 2, Episode 4 of Let's Talk About It With OhioGuidestone, host Derek Rader is joined by Emilene Badalamenti, MSW, LISW-S, Clinical Supervisor at OhioGuidestone, to discuss the unique mental health challenges young adults face today. Together, they explore why asking for help can feel difficult, warning signs that someone may be struggling, and how honest conversations can create hope and connection.
Whether you're a young adult or someone who cares about one, this episode offers insights and a reminder that reaching out for support is a sign of strength. Listen now and Let's Talk About It.
If you or someone you care about is struggling, call or text 988 to connect with trained crisis professionals at any time, day or night. For immediate, life-threatening emergencies, call 911. Talking about mental health can save lives, and every conversation matters.
There are things we all think, but don't always say out loud.
Is this normal?
Why am I feeling so overwhelmed?
Shouldn't I be able to handle this?
If you've ever wondered, "Am I the only one feeling this way?" You're not, let's talk about it.
Questions about our podcast? Email podcast@ohioguidestone.org to get in touch with us. To learn more about OhioGuidestone, visit ohioguidestone.org.
Before we begin, we'd like to take a moment to share a content advisory. This episode contains conversations about suicide, mental health, and emotional well-being. Some listeners may find the topics difficult or triggering. We encourage you to prioritize your well-being and seek support from someone you trust, a mental health professional or crisis resource. For listeners in the United States, the Suicide in Crisis Lifeline is available by calling or texting 988. If this topic feels overwhelming, feel free to pause or skip the episode. Big transitions are tough, and young adults are facing more of those than ever. Let's talk about it. Well, I'm Derek Rader, and this is the Let's Talk About It podcast. Great. And I am here with Emmy Battalimenti, who is one of our clinical supervisors. Thanks so much for being here.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Today we're talking about young adults, transitions, identity, isolation, social pressure, relationships. Young adulthood is supposed to be exciting, but for a lot of people it feels terrifying. What makes this stage so emotionally complicated?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of things can make it emotionally complicated. But I think first, there's so many comparisons. It's such a time of transformation, transition, um, unknowns. And so I think when you see other people doing what they should be doing, or um reaching goals or family expectations of what the next step should be, that can feel like a lot of pressure. It can feel like you're not working up to someone's expectation of you, your expectation of yourself. Like I said, you're comparing social media can add to some of that stressors because you can see everything everybody's doing. Right. Um so I just think it's a time of a lot of unknowns, and then also having to like be an adult by yourself and figure it out. It's scary. It's a really scary.
SPEAKER_00Well, it feels like you have all of the, you know, day-to-day challenges, but with the pressures of social media and everything else, it turns it all the way up to a 10.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And, you know, when we talk about self-harm and suicide, um, I would imagine that, you know, those pressures are almost you could say on steroids. Sure. If you will.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think too, you're at a time where everyone's telling you, like, you're 18, you're an adult now. Get out of the house, do this. And then it's also like, 18's not an adult. Like you have you should still listen to me. It's like, which one I know am I? Am I an adult or am I not yet an adult?
SPEAKER_00Sure, sure. I mean, I know myself. I uh honestly, I I don't think I was fully an adult until about 39. Yeah. Maybe 40.
SPEAKER_01It takes time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So you were a late bloomer and I was a late late bloomer. You could say. So what are the pressures that young adults are carrying right now that older generations may not fully understand?
SPEAKER_01Well, I think social media is that big one. Um the access, accessibility to everyone, people having it to you. And then the, you know, we can all just like make a choice not to be on social media, but everyone's got it. It's the normal. So you typically do. So I think that's something that people might not fully understand. Just get off, just delete your account. Um, and sometimes that's a really validating space, too. So it feels good to have as much as it feels not good to have. Um, I think when we're thinking of financial struggles and changes and trying to be people who can navigate and function and be successful in this space. We all know the prices of everything is out of this world now. So I think that's something, you know, it's harder to buy a house. It's harder to buy your groceries. Um, so those are things that maybe are missed or not people didn't always have.
SPEAKER_00So much of this stage is about identity. You know, you talk about social media and uh, you know, full disclosure, I'm old enough that social media just hit I was in college when I had a MySpace account, which went to Facebook. Um, I've had Instagram for a long time. I'm not as savvy with it as I probably could be, but I can understand how someone who is literally born around the time of social media, and that's really all that's their community, right? So how much of how much is it about trying to prove you're okay when you're not on social media and just in general?
SPEAKER_01I think that's all that I mean you can find the great accounts where people are really vulnerable and they want to share their stories and they want to help just one person and in that can help thousands of people, but I think mostly it's a mask, right? It's trying to create yourself to be or to look like a world where you've got it all together. Um, so you're glorified, you're you've got it together. You know, who wouldn't want that? Um and so I think even when we're talking about identity in this young adult phase of our lives, um having to wear that mask. I mean, we wear it in the world every day when we walk out. Sure. And then when we go on social media, we wear it even more. And it's easier because then we don't have nobody's looking directly at us. So on social media, we can paint exactly who we want people to think that we are, what we've got, what we've got figured out. Um and so I it's it's a place of community, and it also can be really isolating.
SPEAKER_00So what you're saying is a young adult may look independent on the outside, but be completely overwhelmed on the inside. What are the signs that people miss?
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think a big one is just not listening, not hearing. Um some people might be really open and honest about the struggles that they're having, but because everything looks so put together, because you get up and go to work, because you get up and go to your college classes, because you have straight A's, you've got it together. There's nothing wrong. Okay, you're having a bad day, you're having a bad week, you're telling me you need to go see a therapist. You're telling, I'm talking as the parent, but like these are all the things we hear. You're telling me you're doing all this stuff. How bad can it be?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And we're missing some of those. Um, I need, I think I need to go talk to somebody. And um, and then when it's like, okay, go talk to someone, but you're still doing everything you need to do. You can't be too far gone, you know. Not that anyone who's going to talk to someone is any far gone, but there's stigmas around all of it, you know? And so um I think listening is a really big one. Meeting someone where they're at is a huge one. Taking someone for what they're telling you should be taken serious. Um, and then those are, I think those are like the listening because it's being said, things are being said. Pay attention. And then I think there's the other side of it where nobody's saying anything, um, but maybe they're struggling to go to class. Maybe when they get home from school, they're going straight to their room, or they're getting home from college, going straight to their room, they're getting home from work, going straight to the room, they don't have a lot of people they want to be around. They don't leave their room. Um, there's the basics of I think not being able to meet your everyday like functioning. Um, I always had three rules for young teenage adults that I worked with if they were having a hard time doing anything. It's like you have three rules today. You gotta get up, you gotta brush your hair, you gotta wash your face, you gotta brush your teeth. Oh, I guess there was four. Open your blinds. Because we isolate, we want to stay in a cocoon. Um, and just like let the light in. Because you don't realize just letting light in how big of an impact that can make.
SPEAKER_00Why are these transitions? Well, I guess I should say, why can these transitions be so dangerous for mental health?
SPEAKER_01Um you're losing structure. Again, you're losing. I know I'm supposed to go to school every day. I know I'm supposed to go to high school. Like it's built in the curriculum of America, right? I know I'm supposed to be doing this thing. Um, I know I get up and go to work. I know I get up and go to my sports that I have. A lot of times too, you know, in high schools, in small towns, in big towns. But if you've been in that school for a while, people know you. People are giving you accolades, maybe compliments. People are checking in. Hey, how are you doing today? Hey, I'm noticing you're a little off. And then we get out of this world where people have known us for a long time. And in that like 18 young 20s, nobody knows you anymore. You go to college, you're just another person passing through your 200-person lecture room. They don't know you to say, hey, I saw you last week, you looked really happy. And this week I'm noticing you're really down. Because they literally barely even looked up, probably. Right. Um, you're out of your sports. If you thought you were good in your small town sports, you're not that good in the college sports, maybe. Um, you know, you think you're big. There's five people bigger than you. Um so I think all of those, you just lose that structure. You lose your everyday and you gotta figure out a new day. And that's a daunting task when it really is. For the rest of your life, any decision you make is completely on you. You can't blame mom and dad anymore. You can't blame your siblings. We can explain it all. But now all of our choices are where we go for the rest of our life.
SPEAKER_00So, on the other side of things, how can isolation develop in young adulthood, even when someone appears to be socially connected?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, we've all heard the saying, I feel like I'm in a room of crowded, I'm in a crowded room where everyone knows me and I'm screaming, but no one hears a thing. Um I think it's very common to be in social circles. And because there's so much shame, because there's so much embarrassment, because there's so much stigma still around mental health, we might have a ton of people around us, but maybe we're not still saying the thing. Maybe we're afraid of if we say the thing, it becomes real. Uh, people will worry about you. I mean, I think there's so many reasons why someone could still feel alone when they're so socially connected.
SPEAKER_00How do relationships, breakups, loneliness, money, school, work, and failure become part of the risk picture for young adults?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um I mean, really, I think that because of maybe the isolation, um, when you have all of those things, um, a lot of us put our worthiness into some of the stuff. Like your job becomes not what you do, but who you are. And I used to love asking that question, like, who are you? Well, I'm a mom and I'm um I work at Cleveland Clinic and I'm a nurse, and this. I'm like, that's not what I asked you. I asked you who you are, not what you did. Um so it's so hard because we blend who we are into everything happening in our lives. It does become who we are, but at a certain time, it's a really good place to not put too much weight into everything we do. Because when we lose one of those things or something that we have, it can become um, I've got nothing. Who am I now? That relationship, I left when it left.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01That job, I left when it left. It was the only thing I had. I mean, we see it in athletes a lot too. And if we compare it to something like that, we have an athlete whose whole identity was the sport that they're playing. And um then when they're no longer playing, that was all they had. That was who they were. Like I was the ball, right? And so I think when we're thinking of this young adult group, um, there are so many transitions too, right? Like at 18, how many of us are with the partner we were with at 18 for the rest of our lives? It happens, of course. But I think a lot of us, we shed a lot. We're finding out who we are, which becomes more of a shedding system, but it still doesn't make easier losing because anytime we lose, it's a loss. Um, and then hopefully, if someone is getting help, you can start to restructure that thought process of, you know, more of that big picture of the losses are the blessings, right? Hindsight's 2020. All of us can say that thing that I thought was gonna end me is the blessing. Like, thank goodness I'm not where I was. Uh, but it's really hard to see that in it.
SPEAKER_00So, what are some signs that someone, uh young adults may be struggling beyond typical stressors?
SPEAKER_01I think definitely that like just basic daily functioning stuff when we're having a hard time doing that, it's an indicator. Um I mean, I think that's a huge one. I wish there was an easy way to say look for this, but the reason why this is still so big is because it can be so easily missed. Right. I I don't know that there's a perfect picture, but I think, you know, as far as the mental health field, making sure we're taking everything people are saying serious, making sure we're safety planning, making sure someone has someone that they feel safe with. Um, I always tell people that I work with, like, don't be another person barking at this person. They have enough people barking at them. We need to be someone who sits, who listens, who validates, and who can help guide, but says, like, I'm thinking this is the direction I want to go. Are you willing to go there with me? Um I think those are really good places to start uh because I don't know that everything is loud and in our face to say, ah, that person's really struggling.
SPEAKER_00So when a young adult expresses hopelessness, what can you do as a friend, parent, or mentor to offer support and guidance to that individual?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think letting someone know, just in general, I'm here for you, I think is huge. Uh, I think that shooting someone, we all get so busy shooting someone a text message to say, I'm thinking about you goes a long way. Um being able to check back up on someone when they say something was going on, to say, hey, you said that last week. I'm still thinking about you. I remember what you said. Like I listened, right? Back to that listening piece. Uh, we can ask, how are you doing? And someone can say something, but we've got a huge project due that day. And you asked them and they told you, but we missed it because we've got our thing that we're doing. Uh so I think just showing up for people in small ways can make the biggest differences in the large ways.
SPEAKER_00I think one of the challenges with that though is young adults don't always express that. You know, if they're having intense feelings around self-harm or feeling hopeless, they might not reach out to you. So what are some of the warning signs that a young adult is not just stressed, but is seriously struggling?
SPEAKER_01I think we all hopefully have people that know us. And so if someone's acting outside of their normal self, might be an indicator that something's not right. Not saying something's wrong, but something's not right. They're struggling with thoughts. Um, I also think if you know someone is seeking therapy to say, hey, how's that going? Not that we want to overstep, but just to check in. We a lot of us don't go to therapy because everything is going great. And so I don't I don't want to ask you too many questions, but I also know you were struggling with something and I'd love to check in on you. Um I think so those are some of the big ones that I'm I I really like that.
SPEAKER_00I, you know, when we talk to young adults, again, they have so many responsibilities. You know, the world is just opening up to them. Yeah there's the moving pieces and parts get more complex than ever. How do you talk to a young adult about isolation, alcohol, failure, and even shame without making that individual shut down?
SPEAKER_01I think letting them guide, saying, like, yeah, has anyone ever talked to you about this? Um, what's your thoughts on this? Or even I'm noticing you're doing that. What do you think about that? Um meeting them where they're at, we don't want to force people to talk about things they're not ready to talk about, even when we can see that's a problem. You just told me I don't know what the problem is. And I can tell you probably what the problem could be, um, or what is impacting some of the struggles that we're dealing with. But that's not my place to say. Uh so I think inquiring what an individual thinks about where they're at, what they're doing. Uh, I think we can always, always educate on the risks that we see that we know, and provide that psychoeducation, that support, that validation. And then again, we're not walking in front of someone like they're not following us, and we're not behind them trying to catch up to them. We have to be right beside them and just to say, like, I'm here when you're ready.
SPEAKER_00I love that. You know, I think a lot of folks, though, they freeze uh because they don't want to say the wrong thing. And what's worse, saying something imperfectly or saying nothing at all?
SPEAKER_01I think saying something imperfectly, uh, I'm gonna come from a place of good intention. I might say, I think I just butchered that. I meant it intentionally well. Maybe we can have a conversation about that, because I don't know that it came out right, but I do want to maybe show that I'm concerned or I'm feeling away. Um I don't, I don't know that there's a right or a good answer for that. Um it's one of those taboo subjects when we're talking about someone's well-being sometimes, or even if we do know someone struggled with um suicidal ideations or self-harm ideations or behaviors, nobody wants to talk about it still. I know it's happening, but I'm not bringing it up. And um, so I I think it's kind of like grief too. You know, if someone close passes away to us, I've heard often where people are Like, I wish they'd say nothing at all. Like, everyone's coming up. I'm so sorry for your loss. How are you doing? Like, how do you think I'm doing? Don't tell me you're sorry for me, right? And that's like the immediate instinct. But I it's just something that you do, you do still want to check in with people. So I don't know if it's if it's better to say nothing at all or it's better to say something and say it wrong. For me personally, I'd rather say something and say it a little bit wrong than to say nothing. I'd rather do more than do less.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Why should statements made by a young adult during moments of intense emotion never be dismissed simply because the person was angry, upset, or claims they didn't mean it?
SPEAKER_01I think this one's really simple because that one moment of whatever they were feeling can change their life. Like it all you need is the one moment. And so it shouldn't, it should all be taken serious. You know? It doesn't death by suicide doesn't take long. And so um when someone's all it is is that dark moment, that angry moment, that moment of so much hopelessness or despair, or I can never get out of this, that can change your life and everyone around your you's life. And um so when you're thinking of maybe not taking something so serious, it might just be a moment, but that one moment could be the difference between life or death.
SPEAKER_00I think that is so important, right? Taking things seriously. It wasn't just a bad day, it wasn't just a bad moment, you know, to pause and reflect. But if you notice someone you care about who's hurting themselves, how can you address that?
SPEAKER_01Um I think first again, we don't want to rush people in their healing or their process, but just to say, I see you, I've heard that, I'm here for you, I can guide you in the right directions if you're looking for that now. And then I think just those check-ins till all of that stuff falls into the place where it needs to be.
SPEAKER_00What about for friends and and family members who have a loved one, a young adult that they're concerned with, um, who's expressed, you know, desire for self-harm or maybe even suicidal ideation. Where can they go?
SPEAKER_01There's so many resources. I mean, there's crisis lines you can call that can be anonymous or not. Um you can call 988, you can walk into clinics, you can encourage them to talk to their primary cares. When we're thinking young adults, they are over 18. So a lot of it does have to be their choice. Um, but there's agencies, there's so many practices where you can get involved to get help.
SPEAKER_00For parents listening, how can they stay connected to their young adult without smothering them?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, I heard something that I loved a while ago, and I hold it so close to myself as I work with parents as I am a parent myself now, thinking of who I want to be for my children. But I heard that it is a parent's job to be a tree. We are strong, we are stable, we are rooted. And it is our job to let our children go, to let them run, to get as far away from us as they can. And when they come home, they know where to come because we are the strong, stable, rooted, and we have not moved. And so giving people that space to explore this world, like you said, the world's opening up, right? They're seeing it for the first time. I mean, who didn't go a little crazy in college or after 18, right? Like I'm seeing the world for the first time. Yeah. Uh, I used to have to be home at this time, not anymore. You're playing with all of that. Um, and so I think as I'm going to be a parent, and if I could encourage parents, it's like they're gonna go far, and it's our job to stay right where we are, and they come back when they're ready. And they always do. They always do. Is that loud enough?
SPEAKER_00It was, it was. It was selfishly, I think, of my own kiddos because my oldest is 17, is already talking about college. And uh, that's scary for me because they they they kind of leave, and I want them all to come back. So um, I want to thank you for being on today. This has been a great conversation. Uh I'm Derek, and this has been the Let's Talk About It podcast with Ohio Guidestone. Have a great day because you deserve it. If you or someone you care about is struggling, call or text 988 to connect with a trained crisis professional at any time, day or night. For immediate, life-threatening emergencies, call 911. Talking about mental health can save lives, and every conversation matters.
