When You’re Supposed to Have It Together

It starts with sleepless nights and full calendars. Then it becomes caregiving, career demands, health changes, and learning how to navigate loss. Adulthood doesn’t always get simpler; it just gets quieter about the struggle.

In the final episode of season one of Let’s Talk About It With OhioGuidestone, host Derek Rader sits down with Dionna Adie, LISW-S, LICDC-CS, CCM, Clinical Supervisor at OhioGuidestone, for an eye-opening conversation about mental health across the many phases of adulthood.

Together, they discuss burnout, emotional exhaustion, caregiving, stress, isolation, and the pressure adults often feel to “have it all together” while struggling silently.

Needing support doesn’t end once you’re grown, and no one should feel like they have to carry life’s challenging moments alone…so let’s talk about it.

There are things we all think, but don't always say out loud.
Is this normal?
Why am I feeling so overwhelmed?
Shouldn't I be able to handle this?
If you've ever wondered, "Am I the only one feeling this way?" You're not, let's talk about it.

Questions about our podcast? Email podcast@ohioguidestone.org to get in touch with us. To learn more about OhioGuidestone, visit ohioguidestone.org. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Needing support doesn't end once you're grown. I'm here today with Deanna A.D., a clinical supervisor at Ohio Guidestone. Deanna, thank you so much for being here today.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

It's a pleasure.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

You've worked with adults across different stages of life, including older adults. What stands out to you about mental health as people age?

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Well, I would say that no matter how old we are, there is a need for emotional support. And as we age, a lot of things change. Our bodies can change, and you know, supports that we used to have, we may not have those supports anymore.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Right.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

So I think the important thing is that people pay attention to their mental health. And unfortunately, sometimes people feel like I should have it together. You know, I should be able to handle this. I'm an adult. Um I should have the resources to deal with this. But sometimes that may not be the case because when I think of the pressures that adults have to deal with, you know, paying bills, taking care of kids, you know, sometimes some adults are sandwiched, meaning that, you know, they are not just taking care of kids, but they're also taking care of aging parents. That's a lot, you know. It is. And when you're an adult, sometimes you may put yourself last. Um and then you realize that you're struggling. Um, so there's just a lot of pressure, but the important thing is to know that no matter how old we are, you know, even as an older adult, you know, when I think of our seniors, we still need that emotional support. And, you know, just as we, you know, take care of our physical health, you know, our medical needs, our emotional and mental health is just as important.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Absolutely. And I can really relate with that, Deanna. I think looking at my own self, you know, as an adult, I felt like, you know, I should be able to handle everything on my own. Right. Where does that mindset come from?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

I think just with the myth of, you know, believing that as an adult, okay, I am an adult. I should be able to handle this, right? You know, but that is just not reality. You know, we all will go through challenges and difficulties in our lives, and sometimes we may not be prepared to deal with that. And we may need additional support. Um, unfortunately, in some cultures and in some communities, reaching out for mental health is stigmatized. Um, when I think of the African American uh community, especially, um, there can be quite a bit of stigma in that people may feel pressured, that you know, you just need to pray or you just need to go to church. But sometimes you need more than that. So, you know, just helping people realize that, you know, dealing with stressors and challenges is not something that you have to deal with alone.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

And what is, I guess in your opinion, what does burnout look like? I mean, sometimes it's hard for people to know. You know, am I am I taking on too much? You know, there's so many moving parts and pieces. Um how how do you I might have to go back and do this one, but when balancing work, family, and caregiving, what does burnout look like in adulthood?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, so it can look very different because people are different. So the way that burnout looks, um, one example could be that, you know, people are kind of maybe isolating more, you know, maybe withdrawn. Um, maybe they're struggling with sleeping. Um, so it can look very different in different people. So it just depends on that individual. Um, so that's why it's so important to be in touch with how, how, how am I feeling? How am I doing? You know, because as we, you know, kind of go through our day and we see people and people, how are you? Sometimes people aren't upfront and honest about that. Oh, I'm okay, but they may not be, you know? And the face of struggle, you know, when people are struggling emotionally, um, sometimes people may wear a mask um and pretend like they're doing okay. But inside they know that they're struggling. And unfortunately, you know, there's so much stigma around mental health that that um you know will cause people to hesitate to reach out for professional help. Um so sometimes it will take a crisis for people to realize that I need more help than my friends and family. I I really do think I need to talk to a professional.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Absolutely. And I can relate with that. You know, I remember several years ago when my twins were firstborn, and my oldest was three, and we were juggling so much at home. And I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and depression, and I just didn't pump the brakes to say, you know, this is where I'm at, and that's okay, but I need to reach out and get that help. Um, depression always doesn't look like sadness, right? Absolutely. What are some ways that it shows up that people might miss?

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Absolutely. So depression can sometimes uh surface as people being irritable, you know, their patience may not be, you know, um as long as it used to be. So they may have short patience with people, they may not be able to tolerate when those unexpected things happen. Um so depression, you know, can look very different. And the one thing that, you know, I have kind of learned uh just being a clinician is that people have this myth about what depression looks like. They think that people look sad, um, that they cry a lot, you know, uh, but that's not necessarily the case. You know, people can smile and laugh and and go about their typical day and work and interact with people, but inside they may be really, really, you know, uh struggling with how they're feeling and hesitating to share that, you know, with others. Um so irritability is one symptom of depression that people may not be aware of. Um what else? Be getting angry very easily, too, you know. So as I mentioned, having you know short patients. Um so the the biggest message that I want to send is that depression does not look the same in everyone.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Um there are different types of depression. You know, when I think of uh mothers that give birth, there is postpartum depression. So that, you know, you know, that will look different in different individuals. Um people may have a more severe depression where it's hard for them to function, to get out of bed, to take care of themselves, to go to work. You know, so again, when I think of depression, I think of it as a spectrum of symptoms that can vary, you know, uh by that uh by that, you know, with individuals. Um so it just depends.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

It really does. And and I think you mentioned earlier that it really it affects folks in all stages of life. Absolutely. And that's really important to think about because I think sometimes um, you know, you talked a little bit about stigmas, you know, you think adolescents, you know, they they have they have depression and but really people that move in in in even the later stages of life struggle with this. And what are some of the emotional challenges that they may face as folks are in that later stage of their life?

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Absolutely. So, you know, I had talked about this earlier that as we get older, things change. You know, you know, things change in a many ways. Um and in older adults, they may start to face uh increased health challenges. So maybe they have new conditions. Um, for example, um, it's pretty common when people are diagnosed with a chronic condition like diabetes or heart disease that that can trigger uh some depression like symptoms. Um so for older adults, it's really, really challenging because not only are they dealing with challenges with their health that may be changing as they get older, but also supports change too. You know, their family makeup may change. Right. So they may, you know, may not, you know, have that uh contact with their children. Maybe their children are adults now and they've moved away. So one of the things that I see, especially in older adults and our senior adults, is just the the challenge of loneliness, of you know, being alone uh quite a bit, um, and really not knowing how to how how do I deal with that? How can I just, you know, have that social interaction that I need? So, and that applies to our seniors that live in the community in their own homes, uh, or even seniors and facilities. Yeah. Because I think it's important that even as people transition from having their independence to, you know, maybe something changes with their health, and they now need to be in a nursing facility, that across those transitions that they have the support that they need. And when I say support, I mean that emotional support. Right. Oh, absolutely. So, and one of the things that I love about Ohio Guidestone is that we meet clients where they are, you know. So if if we need to see seniors that live in the community, you know, we go to their home, we provide home visits, but we pay attention to how are they doing as far as like their mood? You know, what can we help them with as far as resources so that they don't feel so isolated and lonely.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Um, and then with our seniors, um, you know, for the seniors that live in nursing facilities, um, one of the things that I really like to explore is how did this happen? What was that transition like for you? You know, because uh for some seniors it can be pretty traumatic. You know, it could, it could have been um, you know, it could have been a fall that caused them to, you know, have to be hospitalized and then transfer to like a rehab. And then sometimes, unfortunately, they it may not be safe for them to go back home. Yeah and they may need around the clock 24-7 care. Um, and that is a big change from living in your home, doing for yourself, and now you're in a facility and you're dependent on other people. Um, so so there are a lot of challenges that can come as we get older. Um, but no matter, again, as I said earlier, how old we are, we still need that emotional support. And it's so important for us to pay attention to our mental health.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

Absolutely. And you know, I think back on my own family, um, you know, from when my dad retired. Um, you know, he went from 40, 50 hours a week to um, you know, being home. Yes. And now what to do. Right. Um and he was still functioning, showing up day to day. Um, but, you know, he wasn't well, he was showing signs later hindsight 2020 that he needed some support. But for for the other folks out there, you know, what are some signs that they may need support, even if they are still showing up functioning day to day?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So to pay attention to, you know, to I think it's important for people to pay attention to, okay, I'm still functioning, but how am I functioning and how am I feeling? You know? Um, how am I sleeping? You know, how am I interacting with people? How motivated, you know, do I feel? You know, am I getting some enjoyment out of life? You know, what what are what are my leisure activities like? Because retirement, you know, for most of us is something to get excited about. However, there's another side. As you mentioned, like with your dad, you know, some people really struggle with that. And they find themselves feeling lost. And, you know, and and needing to have that that uh just feel of having a purpose. You know, so I think that it's important to, again, just ask those questions to take like a deep dive into how are you doing emotionally, you know, and to be very direct about that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

So well, I I will follow that up with he is now the world's number one grandfather and the best gardener on the west side of Cleveland. Oh, that's great. He has uh he does flowers and vegetables every year, and we always have way too many tomatoes and garlic cloves than we ever need. So he's found a way to enjoy themselves. On the other side of things, my partner's grandfather recently transitioned into an assisted living facility, and he's 98. So he's been very independent his entire life. Yes. Um he's handled things pretty well. Um, but you know, one question that I have is for people caring for others, um, you know, aging family members, how does that affect their own mental health? And what would you what would be some tips you would have for them?

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Absolutely. So caregiving, you know, can really be um difficult at times. Um and one of the things that can really impact that caregiver is they may put their needs on the back burner. Right. They may forget to take care of themselves. Right. Um, so one of the things that is important for caregivers to pay attention to is, you know, am I having a break? You know, when when is someone also helping me? Um, but it's so important for them to look at how am I, you know, just kind of taking care of myself as I'm caregiving and not forget to um, you know, kind of take care of their own needs as well.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

So you're backpedaling a little bit, we talked about taking so much on, right? And I and I can relate with that as when I was a young adult, um, now I'm I I consider myself a seasoned adult. Right. Um, you know, I was raised to kind of push through, right? And that was, you know, you'll you'll be okay, you just you get up and you fight another day. What's when someone's feeling overwhelmed with work and family and and other responsibilities, um, what's the risk in pushing through?

SPEAKER_01 13:41

The risk is that, wow, it it may become harder to function. It may become harder to function. And one of the things that we see in our adult uh population is that they may rely on other um kind of substances to deal with, you know, feeling overwhelmed. Um so uh it is not uncommon for people to, you know, they may notice that they're drinking more alcohol, you know, to cope, to unwind, to even sleep, you know, not realizing that alcohol is gonna disrupt, you know, their sleep pattern. So um, so the likelihood that people may just really start to uh struggle even more with the way that they're functioning if they don't pay attention to how they're doing is just a huge risk.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

Right. And and you know, drinking alcohol, for example, is like, you know, barring a dollar today and then having to pay back $10,000 tomorrow. Absolutely. Really, because it doesn't help in the short term. Um, you know, for folks that are struggling, what are some practical ways that they can take care of their mental health right now?

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Yeah, absolutely. So, well, one of the things that I really, really encourage people to do is to make sure that they have, you know, time that they can really just decompress, you know, uh to have that enjoyable relaxation time, you know, to make sure that they're focusing on themselves. Um and to make sure also that they have the supports that they need. Sure. You know, and that may be limited for some people. So, you know, they may not have friends or families that feel that mental health is important, or they may be surrounded by people that think that you know, seeking professional help um is a sign of weakness and it's not, you know. Um so one of the things that they can, you know, really do to pay attention to how they're feeling is to just, I don't know, just stay in touch with how am I doing today? You know, and when people ask me how am I doing, just be honest. If you're struggling, you know, to share that with people that you know, but most importantly, reach out for for professional help because at Ohio Guidestone, you know, we serve all ages, you know, we, you know, from our youth, our children, adolescents, and even with our adults, you know, young adults, you know, so whatever uh lifespan, you know, a person finds themselves, we have so many different services that can help them, including substance use disorder services as well.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

Yeah. And I and I love that you talked about it a couple times, the stigma around mental health and getting mental health. My myself personally, um, I look at going to therapy as going to your dentist, going to your family practitioner. Absolutely. You know, it's it's nothing that you should be embarrassed about. I myself have struggled with anxiety my whole adult life. Yes. You know, and and as a as a kid of the 80s, you know, when I had my first anxiety attack, the the nurse said, Oh, he's he's faking it. It's it's not real. Right. Um, you know, and I think you you you you kind of talked about this a little bit, but how does someone go for um, you know, I should be able to handle this on my own to I'm going to reach out for help? What would you tell that person?

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah. So I would tell them, well, actually, the first thing I would want to do is just, you know, compliment them and and just let them know that's a sign of strength. I love that. You know, um, and it's courageous. Yeah. Um, to, you know, just to pause and say, I need more help. You know, what I'm doing is is not enough. You know, the supports that I have, family, friends, I need more. Right. You know, and uh one of the things, another thing that I love about Ohio Guidestone is how easy it is to access services. Yes. The fact that we have walk-in clinics at multiple locations. Um, so if you know someone decides that I need help, I need to do this, um, they can walk to one, you know, they can come to one of our walk-in clinics and they can have an intake appointment that same day. So we value and prioritize uh trying to make sure that um, you know, people in our community can access services very quickly and get the help that they need.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

For someone listening right now who might feel anxious or exhausted, just over overwhelmed with with day-to-day life, what would you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yes. I would want them to hear that there's hope. You know, that there's yeah, absolutely, that things can change, that the way you're feeling right now doesn't have to, you know, remain that way. Right. You know, that, you know, sometimes adults feel like, well, I guess this is being a grown-up. This this is my life now. Sure. But that is, you know, definitely not the case. And things can improve and things can be different. Right. And there's just like just so many resources and supports and so many levels of help out there uh to not be ashamed and to to know that you deserve this.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Right. And and no one's an island. Absolutely. It takes a village, yep. And and in the in the and the help is out there um if you reach out. Um Diana, I want to thank you. This was an important conversation. If you're listening and feel overwhelmed, you're not alone. Support is available. Visit OhioGuide Stone dot org for more information. I'm your host, Derek Rader. Have a great day because you deserve it.