Starting Out

An alarm goes off. You rush out the door to class, work, or another interview. Between bills, deadlines, relationships, and endless scrolling, it can feel like everyone else has life figured out while you’re silently wondering, “Am I doing this right? These struggles are often dismissed as “just part of growing up,” but what if the pressure of starting out is taking a deeper toll on mental health?

In episode four of Let’s Talk About It With OhioGuidestone, host Derek Rader sits down with Justin Hovorka, MA, QMHS, SWT, Assistant Director of OhioRISE at OhioGuidestone, to explore the realities of mental health in young adulthood. Together, they discuss the pressure to “figure it all out.”

Their conversation takes a closer look beneath the surface of comparison, self-doubt, overwhelm, and uncertainty, while offering insight into how support, connection, and honest conversations can help young adults feel less alone during this stage of life. So listen along, and let’s talk about it!

There are things we all think, but don't always say out loud.
Is this normal?
Why am I feeling so overwhelmed?
Shouldn't I be able to handle this?
If you've ever wondered, "Am I the only one feeling this way?" You're not, let's talk about it.

Questions about our podcast? Email podcast@ohioguidestone.org to get in touch with us. To learn more about OhioGuidestone, visit ohioguidestone.org. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Young adults are struggling. How and why? This week on the Ohio Guidestone Let's Talk About It podcast, we dive into it. I'm here with Justin Havorka. And Justin, did I get that right? You did. Okay. I've worked with Justin here for about uh a couple years, so I was really excited to have you on today, uh especially with this topic, you know, talking about some of the unique obstacles that come with being a young adult. Um and you know, I guess I'll I'll jump into things, Justin. Uh when you think about young adults today, what stands out as the biggest mental health challenge?

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Probably the increasing number of expectations um that are put on younger kids moving into the the young adult age and the the speed you're supposed to do things, the amount, um kind of what goes with speed, but the efficiency you're supposed to do, you know, all these different things and all the, you know, you know, how much you're supposed to be an expert in.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

And I remember myself, you know, being in my you know, late teens, early twenties, there was a lot of pressure to figure it out. Uh where do you see that showing up the most?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Uh, you know, getting the the car, getting the house, getting married younger and younger and younger. Um, and and supposed to, you know, be as independent as possible without anyone's help. And and if if you don't, then that's some somehow a weakness or or a dig. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

And and I think too, with a lot of younger folks, uh there's a lot of a lot of folks that feel uh everyone else is doing better than they are, right? And I think that's probably the social media influence. But what's really going on there?

SPEAKER_01 1:51

I mean, I I think you hit the nail on the head with the social media piece. Um I mean, how often are people, you know, logging into whatever different app, seeing what someone they, you know, maybe graduated that high school or college with, where they're at, what job they have, what you know, different, you know, items they have, um, accomplishments they've made, and say, well, that's that's not me. I haven't crossed off all those same same boxes they have. So I must, you know, be failing.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

So for someone that feels stuck or left behind, what's something important for them to understand about that feeling?

SPEAKER_01 2:29

That it's okay and it's not necessarily feeling stuck. It's okay to be where you are at in your life. And there are a lot of successes you're having, and it doesn't have to match anybody else.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

And I think a lot again, I go back to myself, you know, as a young person and uh had a ton of anxieties about the future and what direction I want to go. Um, there's just so many complex moving parts and pieces. Um when you talk about anxiety in the future, what does that typically look like for young adults today?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

The anxiety is for different uh or people have anxiety from different things than maybe, you know, years ago. Um, what does that look like? I think that's a really, you know, tough question. Um and again, linked to social media, um the expectations um put on by, you know, whether it's you know people that they're influenced by um on social media or um things like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

At what point uh does normal stress uh become something more concerning?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

When it starts to affect you um on a day-to-day basis, affect your normal routine. Um, you know, for for someone that age, maybe it's you know, if you're in school, maybe it's skipping class, uh maybe it's talking to folks less um that you're normally communicating with, or maybe it's losing, you know, interest in normal hobbies that you have, like I'm just gonna stay in today. Um I had I had this schedule, but I'm gonna I'm gonna cancel, I'm gonna rain check for whatever reason I can kind of make up on the spot.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

So in your experience, what are some early signs that someone might need more support, even if they're still functioning day to day, showing up for class or work? I mean, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

I think sometimes being proactive is actually the better way to get to that. Um, instead of waiting for something to happen, noticing some signs when maybe it's too late and things have kind of dug in, you know, normalizing that in discussion, like if it's between friends or if it's between family members, normalizing asking how people are doing and not just being accepting the I'm I'm doing good, doing fine, everything's great. Saying, no, really? Like, how are things going? I'm I'm interested. Like, let's let's talk about it a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Yeah. You know, my mom always said, you know, you never know what anyone's going through, especially young adults. You know, they're all have their own private battles that they're fighting every single day, um, but they also want to seem normal, right? What is what are some simple things that young adults can do to um start getting out of that overwhelmed feeling and and and really be proactive, as you said.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Yeah. Um, I think it's being getting getting used to being proud of what the the things you're accomplishing, even if it's on a daily basis, um, you know, staying positive with yourself. Um, and you know, for me specifically, not necessarily for everyone, but um for me is staying active, having a positive way to, you know, use that energy, even if it's been, you know, a more you know, difficult day of been going through some things like staying active, not right necessarily um, you know, removing myself from everything else that I like to do.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

If you could sit down with your own self at 22, what would you say about mental health?

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Where would that put me? That would be that would put me a number of years ago, finishing up uh undergrad in college, you said sit down with myself and if you could sit down with yourself at 22, what would you say about mental health?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Mental health.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Um, it'd be it'd be different than uh my view today after you know doing what I've been doing for a little while. Um, I would probably tell that person that kind of reiterating what I said prior uh in our conversation of the things I've accomplished are are good. And with now graduating college moving into this next phase, you don't have to heap a ton of pressure on yourself. It's good to have maybe some expectations for yourself and some goals, but remain positive with it and don't put too much pressure to look, make you know, make my life look like someone else, you know, the person that graduated next to me or um the my, you know, my parents and where they were at at that age, or my grandparents, or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

And you know, talking about big milestones, you know, I think of college graduation, high school graduation, you know, those those milestones in your life. Sometimes folks say that those same milestones make people feel worse instead of better. Why is that?

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Because it's, you know, it's the end of maybe something that went really well. And that's the uncertainty of what's coming next. You know, maybe you just got through a stint of a high school or college where everything went well. You got great grades, you had a lot of friends, and that next level is uncertain. Maybe you're going from high school to college where you've been, you know, a hometown kid and now you're you're moving further away. Or maybe same thing with college. Maybe you've been away for a while and you're coming home. Um, and it's that it's because it's such a big milestone into the next phase of life that makes feels a lot of pressure and and uh a lot of anxiety about what's next.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

So, in your experience, what's one small decision that can change someone's trajectory more than they realize?

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Hmm. I'll use an example from high school to college and maybe the decision of whether to even go or not. Um, a lot of folks I've heard from say, ah, I wish I would have started this sooner. Or I've even heard the reverse of, ah, I wish I hadn't chosen to do that and got a, you know, uh went a different path, you know, maybe not college, but understanding that, you know, whether you were necessarily happy with that decision or not, like looking back on that, that that's okay. You you got a lot from whatever you had gone through at that time. And and whatever decision you made, you got positive things from that. Um, because, you know, yes, if everyone had a time machine, sure. You go back, we'd all make changes in something that we did, right? Um, but kind of reframing what that decision was and looking for the positives in that and how you've used that where you're at now.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

And to backpedal a little bit, you talked about consistency as a young adult and in and being proactive. When we talked about that, a lot of young adults aren't consistent and they're not proactive and uh guilty as charged. I was one of those. Um, how does lack of routine or structure impact mental health?

SPEAKER_01 9:15

I think different people need different levels of routine. Um, I think different people figure that out sooner than later. Um, so how does that impact mental health? I think the folks that really need a heavy routine, you know, hopefully they have people in their corner or they find that support um and and help them realize that before it gets to something that um, like we talked about earlier, if it if it's you know really affecting your day to day and and your ability to be successful. For others, you know, being able to, you know, not have such a rigid schedule and they have, you know, they have some flexibility here and there, that helps their mental health and their anxiety and reducing and knowing, uh, I I'm organized enough to get this done tomorrow and I need to put it off for today. Um, and some people putting that pressure on themselves to do the 10, 15 things every single day, every single time, perfect, that can cause anxiety. So it really depends who you are.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

I really like that. And and as you know, Justin, I've got uh three little ones. Well, they're not so little anymore. My oldest is 16, my twins are 12, um, but they don't open up, right? You ask about their day, you get a two, a two-word answer. It's fine, right? And then they're in their room or out with their friends. What is something that a parent or a mentor um can how do you reach the those those folks and say, how are you really doing and get them to talk?

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Um, you know, for especially with kids that if they're at that younger age, but even into you know, the high school, uh, you know, even into college age, young adult age, um, try and catch them um and have these conversations when you're doing something that they are into. Okay. Um with the real young kids, we talk, you know, you talk about play therapy. And okay, if we're gonna get a kid to open up, we're gonna start playing a game and then weave it in. But even as you get older, you know, maybe it's, you know, for me, I'm gonna I'll use baseball reference, baseball gap, right? Playing catch, a lot easier to just, oh, we're playing catch, and oh, all of a sudden now we're talking about our day. And it doesn't seem as, you know, sitting, you know, right across, you know, it's not like sitting with my dad right across the, you know, the dinner table and it's just like, okay, tell me about your day. You loosen up a little bit when you're doing something else that you really or or you know, your kid really enjoys.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

So keep it organic. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, I'm definitely gonna try that. I'm realizing my my earlier methods of just asking is not uh blunt instruments are not working there. So um, how does something like stress in young adults become something more serious, like anxiety or depression? And how do they know that? What are the signs to look for?

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Uh when it goes unchecked, obviously, you know, when when that goes with anything, you leave you know something minor, you know, with your house unchecked, it's going to turn into a bigger problem um with that foundation. Um, with stress and the signs, um, it's not participating in those activities. Maybe it's you know, more easily agitated, um, you know, lashing out about things that typically were like, whoa, I just I was just wondering, just asking, you know, how you're doing or how that that test went. Um, so you know, definitely a difference, you know, you would see in that person's uh, you know, attitude or, you know, uh their typical behavior.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

So I want to circle back to social media and the impact that it has. Um, I I I've talked a lot with folks like yourself that have really been on the front lines of this and the impacts of that. Um in some of some of what I've read and just talking to folks is that it it really makes young people feel like they're on an island. In your experience, how does that loneliness or that effect uh show up in young adults?

SPEAKER_01 12:53

Sure. Um, I'm gonna take it even one step back and try and relate to it. You know, when you're when I was high school age, you know, start social media, some of the new apps were coming. There were new, there was new forms of technology. And there was this, you know, kind of a accumulation factor, like, oh, I need, I need to get this app, I need to download this one, I need to have this number on this app and this. And that's what you start to think. Where I'm at now, I'm the opposite. I'm like, can I can I get rid of this app and still like have a connection with my with my family and still, you know, check in on them and see, you know, with which is a completely healthy thing. Um, so to get to the point of, you know, how does that have an uh an effect? Uh it's it's it's the expectations that you put on yourself by being on all these apps. Now you're, you know, you're associating yourself with a number and you're associating yourself with how many apps uh do I have and how many different ways am I, you know, getting clicks and seeing things. And so all of a sudden, you're you're just consumed in just that, and you're you're isolated. And you know, I've heard the term come out before um uh that you know, social media is not real, or specifically like, oh, well, Twitter is not real. Like what you read on there in the comments on there, it's you know, you can get easily sucked into that and think all of that is reality. Um, and and sometimes it's much more healthy to, you know, take a pause from that and talk to someone in, you know, in person, in real life about, you know, whatever it is those are, going and doing something kind of I I like the term used, um, you know, organic with with those those same people and not have it all be on social media and just get completely drawn to that, you know, world of technology.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

And when is the time to stop trying to handle that alone and reach out for help?

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Maybe when you are, you know, and sometimes, you know, when you're younger, it's harder to see this, but how much time you're spending, you know, one of the features I like on that they've had on phones is how many hours you've spent on certain apps throughout the throughout the week. And sometimes even I uh, you know, I my guilty thing right now is YouTube. So I'll go down YouTube rabbit holes, watch, you know, podcasts, things like that. And I'll be like, wow, I was up three hours this this week uh from last week in that. Yeah. Um, and so sometimes, you know, it's having that self-acknowledgement um of that, or if you're a friend of someone that you've noticed is is really getting into maybe unhealthy, you know, levels of of you know using social media or they're consistently on there or they're posting stuff that's not really, you know, the best. Maybe, you know, as a young adult in your friend group, maybe you're that person um that kind of points it out. Sometimes it takes self-reflection. It really does. And and that and that's when we talk about pressure and anxiety, there's not a a a set time clock of when you have to realize that when you um you get to that point where you you have that self-realization. But that you know, you know, at some point you'd want to get get there and know um when when enough is enough.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Aaron Powell, I think self-help is not a straight line. And I also think that uh when we talk about uh scrolling endlessly, I can also relate. I believe the unclinical uh version of that, they call it doom scrolling. Aaron Powell Doom scrolling.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

That's as clinical as it uh as it needs to be, because everyone knows exactly what it's talking about.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

They do, and they know all the things that I am interested in. I never knew that I wanted to build a bunker in my backyard with a wood-burning stove. But they did somehow. I don't know. Right, right. Um as we talk about some of the uh, for lack of a better explanation, slings and arrows of being a young adult. Uh for some young folks, why does it feel like everyone around you is getting engaged, promoted, uh, moving forward, and you're just trying to keep up mentally.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Because that's what's happening, especially when when you're in, I don't know, I don't want to put an exact age on it, but when you're in that young adulthood, maybe it's your 20s, maybe it's your early 30s, that's exactly what's happening. You have some friends that you grew up with that are, you know, on their second or third kid. You have people that are still kind of, I don't know, going down to, you know, whatever bar multiple days a week and hanging out, and that's their and that's fine. And that's that's where they're at. You have other people that are going back to school for the second or third time. Um, and people are in completely different um walks of life. Um, and that again, like we had talked before, there's there's no timeline. It that's okay. Um, but it can definitely feel like maybe you're that person that's um, you know, going back to school and this friend's got, you know, kids in a in a house, and this one over here is just got promoted, and you feel like, am I am I wasting my time here? I'm is my timeline messed up? Uh and you start to build this thing in your head of you're not doing enough, you're not accomplishing enough fast enough. And that's just not that's not true. That's not the case. You're just you're where you're at and your time, what you're doing right now is valuable.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Aaron Powell So what's happening internally when someone feels happy for others, uh, but also discouraged about their own life and where they think they should be.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

You know, that sounds like a pretty genuine person to be able to put the anxiety and and that aside um and feeling like they're not doing enough, but also congratulate others. There you go. Um, so it's you know, that what's going on inside is this huge um, I think kind of polarization where, you know, most of the time when they're seeing all this, they're, you know, maybe it is through social media congratulating people, but on the inside, they're like, gosh, every time I see one of these, it it makes me question what I'm doing. Yeah. And that having that huge gap between those two things can, you know, cause a lot of uh stress, especially even on a daily basis. When it's when we're talking about social media and this app and that app and these posts, it's it can be a daily occurrence where you're seeing folks where you may see yourself or want to be and you're not there. And so it's this daily occurrence of um and a reminder that you're not where you want to be. And that's not healthy because you know, you don't need to be where that person is.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Right. So how do you stay grounded when everyone around you seems to be moving sometimes faster, sometimes in different directions?

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Yeah. Um, I mean, we talk about this in our in in the program that I'm working in at Guidestone right now is you know, surrounding yourself with that support system, um, you know, in whatever way is necessary. A lot of time we talk about, you know, it w wanting it to be, you know, those people that are in your family, surrounding yourself with good family. If it is something formal like seeking some sort of uh some form of support, like a formal support, yeah. Absolutely, uh getting that in place as well if needed, but just making sure that you're supported and you're not, we talked about this with social media and how isolating it can be. Trying to combat that isolation. Some of that is doing it yourself and you know, improving your practices, but sometimes you need help with that.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Right. And I like a lot what you said about accepting things for what they are and where you are. And so, with that though, what does it actually mean to be on your own timeline from a mental health perspective?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Um, that there's not um there's not an expectation for you to be, you know, a certain level of healthy uh mentally. Yes, we talked about. If it's affecting your day-to-day routine, absolutely you want to improve from that spot. Um, but you being any sort of um better mental status and trying to compare that to where someone else might be, you don't you don't know what that person that's that that's married or that person that just got the promotion where they're at mentally with anything else going on in their life. Um so you need to really be able to focus on staying healthy within your own self and your own life um and making sure that you're you're all right.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

If someone listening right now who is in that place in life, uh they feel that they're not where they're supposed to be. What would you say to them?

SPEAKER_01 21:01

If you're you're supposed to be where you're at right now, you're there in whatever spot for reason and where you're at is a good place to be. There are a lot of people, I think, that you know, had that, you know, first maybe job out of college or first setup, and they, you know, maybe you hated where you, you know, found a place to live and it wasn't where you wanted because you didn't have enough money at the time. Or that first job you got, you're like, I went to school and did all this and I got into something, you know, got into a field that I don't like. So maybe you feel like you should be in a different place of work, or maybe you feel like, you know, I just wasted the last four years, you know, if if you got went and got your undergrad. Um and it's all for a reason, it's valuable. You know, the job you're at now, you're taking something from it. Um, you know, I I I do hear often that uh, you know, getting a a a job in the food industry teaches you tons of skills. What a lot of people say. Yes, my dream job, you know. Well, I'll use my example. My dream job is being a host uh at a restaurant. Maybe for some people, but for me, that was not my dream. But did I get a lot of valuable experience that I use in my job today from that? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

I love that. My first job was a dishwasher at a Chinese restaurant. I got yelled at a lot, but uh I did learn the value of hard work. So yeah, I love that. Just to take what you can and leave the rest, right? What's one message, Justin, that you would want every young adult to hear about uh their mental health right now?

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Their mental health right now. Um it's it's okay to be where you're at right now. So not saying that that's where you want to be forever, but it but to not feel judgment about where you're at right now. So wherever that is, if you're in a good space, awesome. Do whatever you need to do to maintain that. Because a lot of, you know, a lot how how many, not even with mental health, with any sort of thing, how much is a roller coaster? Like, oh, I'm good on my diet this week and now I'm bad and I'm good at my exercise. Same thing with mental health. There, a lot of people are in a good spot right now. Um, for the folks that are uh uh not in a good spot right now, that's okay. Not the end of the world. Yeah, but to to be able to reflect on that and and be working towards, you know, improving that. And if you're in a good spot right now, working towards maintaining that.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

I love that. And as we wrap things up, I'm thinking about our listeners. And if someone right now who's listening is struggling silently right now, what is one thing that you hope they take away from our conversation today?

SPEAKER_01 23:49

Um, that there's no and we we talked about this before, that there is no set time or um, you know, goal that you have to hit by any certain marker in life. Um and focusing on, you know, what's you know, you're successful in right now. Um and that kind of, I don't know, the repeating what I said, but you it's okay, it's because I I I like that so much and I I use that for myself as well. It's okay where you're at right now. Right. If you're taking steps, if you're not in a spot that you're you're taking steps right now, the the the belief that it you know it's gonna happen at at some point for you.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

So that's a great answer. It's it's good to know that folks like you are out there on the front lines making a difference.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Justin, I want to thank you for being on the podcast today. This was an important conversation. If you're listening and feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Please visit ohiogone.org and get started today. I'm your host, Derek Rader. Thank you so much for listening. Have a great day because you deserve it.